chicken broth?

At night I like to think

And the past few weeks I’ve had only one thing on my mind

Our bodies subconsciously transcribe DNA to RNA which is then translated in to protein and so on and so forth and yet despite that complexity I can’t even put my feelings for you in to the simplest of words.

because they aren’t simple.

I don’t know what these feelings are, but I’m looking at the moon tonight and he keeps reminding me how much I’d rather look at you.

Before the sun comes to chase him away, we have a conversation.

as his light gently touches the water he asks me what I long for.

I tell him about a girl with eyes like the stars, who’s skin is as soft as the clouds.

A girl who is more beautiful than the ocean, and stronger than the wind.

And I tell him that I don’t know what love is, and I don’t know if I ever will.

But as far as feelings go I’ve never felt such a connection.

Every second I spend with her is as wonderful as she is.

And each time I look into those eyes I feel more and more.

I don’t know if I should want those feelins to stay or to go because day by day a I find a new reason to fall for you.

I did NOT say fall in love.

Because I don’t know what love is, but I think it’s the smile that you bring to my face no matter how hard the world is pulling me down. Or maybe it might be the nickname that only you call me. Because I’ve always hated nick names but there’s something about you that I love.

I don’t know what love is but I swear every time you hug me I feel something. Every time your hand is in mine the world could end and I know I’d be just fine because everything I could ever want is right by my side.

I don’t know what love is but I feel it in my lungs every time I take a deep breath because you smell like beauty, and that’s a smell i’ll never forget.

I don’t know what love is but I run out of words when I try and explain how beautiful you are. Nothing can compare to you not the moon and definitely not the stars because they come and they go but you’re on my mind always.

Like a bird thinks about flying I think about you.

And I don’t know what love is but I’d do anything for you

You’re beautiful. No matter how many times I say it you’ll never hear it enough. And I can’t explain because my my heart won’t tell my brain how, but you make me feel alive.

Every inch of my soul knows you are, and I can feel my heart longing for you all the time.

I wish you could see into my mind and feel how I feel. My words can’t do justice, they never will.

I always wonder why we’re the same. Why we act the same, dress the same, and even say the same things. These similarities make it harder for me to tell myself no because I feel such a strong connection pulling me in to you.

No one makes me happier than you and I feel like if you’d have given me a chance I could’ve done the same for you.

I know there’s something there really deep down, but it can’t blossom unless you allow it to, I’ve done all I can and I’d do it again.

I don’t know what love is but this can’t be it.

Because love is supposed to be scary,

and I’ve never felt something more comforting in my life.

youth

there's something funny about growing up... 

it never get's easier. 

i spent years telling myself i never would, that i would just be physically old, but mentally adolescent. 

but as i go through life, there are experiences that force me to age without my consent.

throughout your entire life there will be shit you gotta go through that you don't deserve. That nobody deserves. Heavy shit you gotta go toe to toe with. Sometimes it'll beat you within an inch of your life. Sometimes it'll lay off only come back to kick you while your down.

i watched my friend grow up over night when his father passed away.

i watched my dad age 10 years in 2 months as the stress of supporting a family finally caught up to him 

you know what i learned?

that you can't not grow up. 

it's happening, and it hurts. 

remember this: through heartbreak, hopelessness, sadness, loneliness, you're always growing up. 

so play the songs that take you back to when you were younger. the songs that bring back the joy. the songs that take you back to your freshman summer, when you didn't have a worry in the world. 

to when your you and your friends walked the streets all night because that was your only way around town. going back and forth across town from house to house because you were free. 

because in this life i've learned that all good things come to and end. 

so hold on tightly to your memories

and never forget 

when you were young .

-mf

Insanity: My Diagnosis

They said he was loosing his mind

The one who got me started on click-clacking my way to digital happiness

You think he’s the crazy one,

But I haven’t slept in over 20 hours, and this is the 5^th thing I’ve written today after 1 month of silence.

I

AM NOT

CRAZY

I’m sad

This behavior has nothing to do with the mind, or loss of.

Not this, this comes from emotions

Because I haven’t seen him since Friday January 9^th, and I know that he knows this year is ending.

He knows that one day his class will be empty, that we’ll all be gone

Moved on to universities

Headed toward majors in Business, Law, or dare I say it… ART.

But he knows that one day his class will be filled with new people

He’ll get to recycle jokes, and re-tell stories,

But no one will ever re-tell our stories…

And no faces will ever replace our faces.

I bet he hopes we never replace him.

And you can bet your ass I won’t

--- 

This goes out to the most important class I ever took. The one that taught me more than any other class and did it with no tests and no books

To the class that taught me to be myself, and to love it

The class I will never forget. Creative Writing

So jocks keep being jocks 

Thugs keep being thugs

Punks keep being punks

And emos keep being emos

But when you come into Kyle Nelson's Creative Writing class, put your false ID aside

Because when you realize you're all just people, and that everyone is different

That is when you'll learn the most

Thanks Kyle for teaching me the most important lessons

you

This is for you. Nobody else.

And I hope it finds you at the right time.

For the one who is taking care of a family alone… while still in high school.

For the one who works to provide for everyone. Everyone but themselves.

This is for you.

For the one who is scared of everyone but themselves.

For the one eating between the double doors.

This is for you.

For the one whose collapsing under the pressure of grades, friends, and family.

And for the ones who’ve already been smashed.

This is for you.

For the one whose only canvas is the space between the palm of their hand and their elbow.

For the one who knows their mind could produce horror movies, yet they strive to be positive.

This is for you.

For the one whose happiness comes from a pill, and who is blind to the people they inspire, but fully aware to the ones they do not.

This is for you.

For the one whose nights are spent crying, and whose weekends consist of isolation.

For the ones whose worst enemies are their minds, and whose lives are rated R.

This is for you.

You. The ones walking through the halls behind their masks of happiness. The ones who think they are alone, that no one sees them.

The ones who think they can fool everyone. You might be able to fool them, but not me.

I’ve been there.

I know what it’s like to have the happiness sucked out of life, and to want nothing more than to end the pain.

But I know you care. You know that ending your pain will only bring so much more to others. Don’t do it. I love you. We love you. We care so much.

So come find me. I won’t judge. I remember the pain. And I don’t want anyone dealing with it by themselves. I already know you. And that’s why I’m here… waiting to help. 

recordabitur

I remember choosing to forget...

Soul

;

I walked through my dark bedroom to my desk, to switch on my favorite candle. I reached under the desk for the switch, a spider bit me… Put it’s fine-point syringes of antagonizing venom into my hand.

Eyes wide open, I saw the paper-thin incision points through the darkness. They were growing, floating off my hand. They grew closer and closer to my eyes, turning into binoculars, giving me a clear view of the inside. I saw the metro of nerves, leading to my brain. I hopped on, no one asked for a ticket. I rode to the deserted Grand Central that was my heart… What once was a thriving city with perfect weather, towering skyscrapers, and constant, beautiful light was now an empty wasteland. A dark gray-scale beating organ, almost non-essential to the life I was living. I dared to venture into it alone, and pushing passed the old libraries, filled with books of old memories, the trinket shops with their shattered windows, obscene writings on their walls. I took the stairs all the way down to it’s catacombs. Infinite winding halls burrowed deep into the abyss. Filled with etched names of those who left their mark. It’s faint light seemed to move away from you as you approached it. There were no lanterns, no sources for this dim light, but it was the only color in the whole place. A dim yellow. It flickered at times, which was the only way you could tell that you weren't frozen… Then finally it stopped, there was nothing but blackness. Seeing it for exactly what it was, I gathered myself, and took the leap of faith… The leap into my soul. It was a place I had never seen before, never even knew existed. I had heard so many things that remained unproven to my mind, it was as if they were all challenges. White people with white collars writing down things for us to test in a book and throwing it at us, all the while they didn't want us to test it, but simply to mark it with our stamp of approval, as if it gave them some sort of pleasure. It was as if I was damned for standing out. For not agreeing to just say OK. For wanting to experience everything, every sensation whether it be good or bad or bad or good, just to feel it… All of it. Because in my life the only thing I ever do is feel. I am good at it. I feel the sting of people talking about me, ridiculing what I do, the chill of those who turn their backs on me, who leave me to myself. I feel all of that… just as I felt that spider’s paper-thin fangs go in, and felt my passion go out. I felt myself sliding into blackness, knowing I would never return, and the only thing that was on my mind was her smile, the smile that used to light that now empty station.  I knew that that small light, that danced along the tunnel walls, providing you with some hope of something greater, was out. And that not even the sun…could take it’s place. 

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